I know where I've been...

Sarah's Story

There is a song in the movie Hairspray that has the line "I know where I'm going, and I know where I've been" and I think this is quite true of where I am at at the moment. This past week Bernie and I have been reflecting a bit about our journey so far. Where we have come from and what we have achieved. Bernie found an old photo of me at a wedding a few years ago and I just could't believe the difference. I know that I have really been growing on the inside (and shrinking on the outside!) I thought I would share with you my journal entry from just after Emazon Stand Your Ground earlier this year...

Who am I?
What do I want?
I want to be free to live my life. I want to feel healthy, happy, strong, confident. I want to be free of the restrictions I have placed around me. I want to feel comfortable by myself.

What am I afraid of?
I am afraid that no one will love me if I don't act the way they want me to. I am afraid that I will be alone, left behind by friends who are getting married and having kids. I am afraid that I will always be overweight and uncomfortable with myself.

What is holding me back?
Fear.
 

My blue chic is running the show, reminding me of all the times in the past I have tried something and failed. In health/fitness, finances, so many aspects of my life.

My red chic has gotten to the truck point again and again and I haven't learnt. I want to let her out. I want to allow her to run my life. I want to feel alive and feel good and feel happy. I want her to take control and not take any crap from anyone!

So now here I am, much healthier, much happier and much more confident! I am really looking forward to wear I go from here.

Bernie's Story

I have always battled with my weight. I have been 'heavy' since I was about 8 years old, and bullied by my peers about it all through my school years. Psychologically and physically, my build was a heavy weight to bare. Swimming and sport lessons were terrible, then later trying to find clothes for parties, or school events. I had very little confidence about the way I looked, and when I did find some, it was often knocked down again by hurtful comments. I am 31 now. I know, I should build that metaphorical bridge (Perth Crew is helping significantly...), but some things, while they don't have the sting in them that they used to - have not been forgotten.

Example 1 (from a boy who was friends with my best friends boyfriend): "Look, I think you are a nice person, but you don't have the body to match"

Example 2 (some random I didn't know): "You look like a fat Brooke Shields!"

Example 3: (guy in a club) "You'd be hot if you weren't fat"

Example 4: (a girl in the same 9th grad cooking class I took is consoling a friend, she so tactfully uses me as an example) "No, you're not fat! (nods towards me and doesn't lower her voice) "She's fat!"

Looking back, half the time I thought I was hideous, I actually wasn't. I had curly brown hair and was a healthy size 14. I just didn't fit in with the bottle blonde size 8 that Dolly magazine was promoting.  Then later, I was a 16, then an 18, then a 20...

So yes. 31. Still chubby (but finally doing something about it!), but now I feel comfortable in my skin. I've grown up, have good friends, a great career and the people I choose to suround myself with are those who support me in my journey. Now, it is about health and feeling good, being able to sleep and breathe and function properly in society.

So, I have been thinking about Sarah's journal entry. I thought i'd answer the questions here too:

Who am I?
I am a woman who has chosen to get healthy, and to try her hardest to lose weight. I am a librarian, a teacher, I'm almost a wife (yay!). I am a woman who is looking forward to her future.

What do I want?
I want to be a good mother, when the time comes to expand our little family. I want to make sure that my children learn good values about health, and how you should treat other people. I want to be a good example.

What is holding me back?
Time... and wasting it. I work hard. I get tired. I sleep. I need to be accountable to the fact that if I don't do it today, tomorrow's healthy me, may never come. I don't ever want that.

I too am looking forward to the next stage in my journey :-)

 Past Photos (for better or worse!)

Boat trip 11 August 2006

 'Alice' photoshoot 20 September 2007

Bernie's birthday party 17 March 2007

Garden Party in Karratha 8 September 2007 (we confused many people with these wigs!)

Cocktails at Icon in Karratha 10 October 2007 

Out at Burswood 11 October 2008

Amanda's wedding 12 April 2008

Day trip to Rottnest 7 October 2009